Prose: Do I Miss You?

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Between Lights and Memories – Gouache on Canvas Paper (2016)

It has been 7 years not seeing you again, maybe you’re out there falling in love with someone else. I might spend my time mumbling about random things to you if you let me, but I don’t want to waste your time because we might not see each other again.

Do I miss you?

I remember the day I sent you a stupid piece of writing I took from “10 Things I Hate About You”. You asked me “what’s wrong with my shoes?” and I said that I just hated the way you wore your big red boots because I loved seeing you in sneakers instead.

Do you remember when we called each other every night no matter how many times we met during the day? Or when you called me while I was pissed because we were faraway from each other and you started to tell a dog’s love story to cheer me up? Do you remember the day I called you just to tell how my day was even though we had lunch together in the same day?

I remember the time when I drove at night to your flat when I suddenly missed you with no reason. Even we had to keep it silent because I might wake your roommate for being too loud and over excited while hugging you when I arrived. Later we talked about secrets and we kissed in a dark. We fell asleep in your bed with my clothes on because we felt the intimacy created from a deep talk not sexual intercourse. From the first night to many many nights after, with deeper talk and ugly tees we wore.

I also reckon the moment when you drove for three hours just to have lunch and dinner with me on Sunday. Then I suggested you a weird place to hang out because I ran off the idea. We still enjoyed that between kebab and stupid conversations.

Do you remember when we went out for some ice creams during the exam week? When you taught me one subject that I nailed it with higher score than you got? Or the day we studied together in the same ice cream shop but ended up talking about random stuffs again?

But then I walked away, I pushed you away before you left me and took me for granted. I didn’t know why I chose to believe it. I never wanted to be the last one in pain, nor the last one who waited the story crumbling by itself. I wanted to be selfish because it avoided me from losing more of your kindness and memories of us.

Do I miss you?

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

From: “An Ode Of Memories” (2014) with moderation.

Do I look okay?

Yes, you’re okay, in fact you’re incredible.

People are always worried about how they look, how other people may judge them by appearance. That’s not wrong at all. The majority of human population in the world judge people hard based on how they look, how much money they have to afford to look good, and they totally judge you by the materialistic aspect. Why? Because that’s what obvious to their eyes.

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Photo by Engin Akyurt taken from pixabay.com

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Meine Zuhaus: Interpretation of Abstract

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Mein Zuhaus – Gouache on Mixed Media Paper (2017)

How much do you miss your home? I’m one of those sentimental people who always missing their home and their family. Living in an urban city is not easy, as everything moves so fast, like it’s fast-forwarded at every second we try to catch a breath for a moment.

Urban city leaves less beautiful memory, it’s mere a dream that has faded away washed by reality. It’s a hallucination of being great, powerful, and lavish, but you’re poor and bored on the daily basis. You won’t have a chance just to be grateful for waking up in the morning and still alive, but you curse everything why you have to be breathing so that you have to keep working for something you don’t like.

Life is cruel in the urban city, you don’t sleep well, you don’t feel like home. You need to pay the rent, you pay for the food you hate, you pay for a sleazy and slow transportation to roam. You will always miss your home, in a small village in your hometown where everybody seems happy and afar from a frustrating life in the big city.

Do you miss your home? Because I do. Everyday.

Gouache for Fun

I rarely paint with water color or gouache, but I recently feel the needs of little exploration with medium I’ve never used is really necessary. I’m not brave enough to try the oil painting (besides my apartment is pretty small to keep the canvases and messy tubes). My technique is still rigid, I really want to improve my skill in water color as much as the gouache, I use the digital media for too long and my hand doesn’t get used to manual media very well. Here my three women as the object of my experiment, hope you enjoy it.

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Mardy Bum and Her Passive Aggressiveness

“Oh there’s a very pleasant side to you, a side I much prefer.
It’s one that, laughs and jokes around, remember cuddles in the kitchen yeah…
To get things off the ground and it was up, up and away…
Oh, but it’s right hard to remember that on a day like today when you’re all argumentative and you’ve got the face on…”
Mardy Bum – Arctic Monkey

The idea of writing about Mardy Bum had been inside my head several weeks ago, but I was such a great procrastinator because I was in the middle of my excitement in water painting.
I really enjoy Arctic Monkey, especially Alex Turner’s sexy voice that’s hypnotizing both males and females all around the globe. Their songs are pretty genius in term of lyrics as well as the music itself, total eargasm.

Pop Art Arctic – Sketch Book Pro for iPad (2016)

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Bold Women

Bold women are amazing, they might look vulnerable outside but they are strong and determined inside. They are smart at poker face but it doesn’t mean they are fake, they are just very wise at showing their feeling to public. Their eyes are enchanting, those will show you the most passionate stare you might ever seen. Not because they are good at teasing, it’s just their inner beauty that contains power and intelligence flaunted without them trying.

They are never running out of topics to talk about, but they surely get bored to death when you lead them to shallow conversation. These bold women don’t like mere hot body of yours, they are obsessed with brain if you have one. You don’t seduce them with words, seduce them with knowledge.

Don’t ever think these bold women will stumble and fall to get you back, in fact they will walk away and leave you in despair. They are too precious to cry for men, they have no time to pity themselves seeing your old photographs. They are forged with bad experiences, those make them unbeaten diamonds.

Bold women don’t need 24/7 attention, they’re too busy with their achievement. You may find it challenging but they are not your favorite game to play, they may seem easy to get along with but you never know what actually is. Are you those risk takers?

Even The Genius Used To Fail

Husband and I are recently watching NatGeo series titled Genius which featured the world legend in science, Albert Einstein. Well, even though I’m not really a fan of Albert Einstein that much (knowing the history of his experiment wouldn’t be this successful without his scientist wife, Mileva Maric whom he cheated from), I have to admit that his story opens my eyes from the fact that even a legendary genius had to experience a hardship in pursuing his dream.

Genius

TigerDroppings.com

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