Do I look okay?

Yes, you’re okay, in fact you’re incredible.

People are always worried about how they look, how other people may judge them by appearance. That’s not wrong at all. The majority of human population in the world judge people hard based on how they look, how much money they have to afford to look good, and they totally judge you by the materialistic aspect. Why? Because that’s what obvious to their eyes.

model-2349038_1920

Photo by Engin Akyurt taken from pixabay.com

You can’t just walk in through the majestic Chanel boutique or luxurious casino just wearing flip flops and sloppy tees, unless they have known you like they know Mark Zuckerberg with his famous casual tee+jeans style. But if you’re just you… I mean… nobody knows you much, there’s a chance you would get kicked out the store or the casino in no time. That’s one simple example to tell that appearance is important. Another example, you’ll see in an interview. Even far before you can afford nice clothes, better haircut, and shiny shoes with your current salary, you really need some “asset” to do the interview just to make sure the interviewer may see you “bonafide” enough to work in his company. Cheap shirt is okay, but make sure it’s clean, and the old shoes should be well-polished.

Now let’s put aside that situation, now let’s talk about the appearance for a total neutral condition. The neutral condition means, the condition where you don’t have to fake yourself or show yourself for certain people with purpose such as for job interview or fancy gala diner where you’ve never attended before. Have you ever felt insecure on the daily basis with your appearance? You look at the mirror and you hate what you see. You’re afraid of people judging your appearance at a glance. That’s pity, but I used to be that person who always feel insecure about myself.

I’ve never been a pretty girl as I thought to myself since I was in junior high school where I started to realize some girls date some boys while I dated nobody because nobody actually wanted to date me. I used to hate my hair, my tummy, my height. I always considered myself like a bigfoot: my curly hair is disgusting, my tummy is like a pregnant woman (as one of the classmate ever called me that), I was also too tall for a girl in my school (I was even taller than most of the boys at school).

Until I got into the high school, no transformation ever made there, I was still an ugly duckling for myself. I tried to straighten my hair and it was so ugly I knew I wasn’t fit for that hairstyle. I disgusted myself. I never dated any boys when I was in high school, even before. I wasn’t really interested to date anybody because all I know that boys like the popular girls or the girls in the clique. Later on I preferred to be friend with the smart boys because the smart boys never break hearts, they encouraged me to excel at class. I nailed the school very well, I always be at the top five at class and I joined the competition to show off (when you have no pretty face to be shown at people, show your talent).

Finally I got into the university and I still had the same insecurities I had before but with a little improvement: I know quite a lot of things so I can talk about anything regardless my appearance. Then I started making friends and they were so nice to me, I finally had a better chance to believe that life is not all about “face” or “body” but how you actually can keep up with the topics that people like to talk about. But most of all, be nice to anybody because that’s the only thing that can get you friend to help you out.

Then it came to the time when making friend wasn’t really my major problem, it was making someone actually look at me in a romantic way. I started the insecurities once again when it came to the stage of “getting to know a stranger” to date me. I plan tons of clothes and make up just to look “alright” in front of them because I knew very well that I often looked more “oh no” than “alright”.

I became more and more insecure every time I got in a relationship because of how I look like.

I got tortured by my own perspective, I surely need to get rid of that thought because somehow my conjecture towards them was wrong. After years passed, I had a chance to talk to one of them and the reason of him being withdrawn from me was because I was so emotional, I complained quite easily, I turned less and less fun than ever. I felt awaken, I felt like I was slapped right and left with it. It was all about my changed attitude, the body insecurities turned me into a person whom someone would hate to spend the time with.

I realize that I’m tall, keeping some fat around my tummy, having curly hair, and my legs are big too. Now all I can do is to embrace it, my appearance can’t be perfect like the women in the ads people see everyday. I make a hair-bun for my messy curly hair, eat less oily food to maintain my weight, and get dressed properly. Above of that I don’t have to feel insecure anymore, I’ve done my best to show on people. I wouldn’t mind if they still want to judge me hard, maybe they just haven’t known me.

The appearance is only temporary, but the personal quality is an eternity.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s