Prose: Do I Miss You?

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Between Lights and Memories – Gouache on Canvas Paper (2016)

It has been 7 years not seeing you again, maybe you’re out there falling in love with someone else. I might spend my time mumbling about random things to you if you let me, but I don’t want to waste your time because we might not see each other again.

Do I miss you?

I remember the day I sent you a stupid piece of writing I took from “10 Things I Hate About You”. You asked me “what’s wrong with my shoes?” and I said that I just hated the way you wore your big red boots because I loved seeing you in sneakers instead.

Do you remember when we called each other every night no matter how many times we met during the day? Or when you called me while I was pissed because we were faraway from each other and you started to tell a dog’s love story to cheer me up? Do you remember the day I called you just to tell how my day was even though we had lunch together in the same day?

I remember the time when I drove at night to your flat when I suddenly missed you with no reason. Even we had to keep it silent because I might wake your roommate for being too loud and over excited while hugging you when I arrived. Later we talked about secrets and we kissed in a dark. We fell asleep in your bed with my clothes on because we felt the intimacy created from a deep talk not sexual intercourse. From the first night to many many nights after, with deeper talk and ugly tees we wore.

I also reckon the moment when you drove for three hours just to have lunch and dinner with me on Sunday. Then I suggested you a weird place to hang out because I ran off the idea. We still enjoyed that between kebab and stupid conversations.

Do you remember when we went out for some ice creams during the exam week? When you taught me one subject that I nailed it with higher score than you got? Or the day we studied together in the same ice cream shop but ended up talking about random stuffs again?

But then I walked away, I pushed you away before you left me and took me for granted. I didn’t know why I chose to believe it. I never wanted to be the last one in pain, nor the last one who waited the story crumbling by itself. I wanted to be selfish because it avoided me from losing more of your kindness and memories of us.

Do I miss you?

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

From: “An Ode Of Memories” (2014) with moderation.

Gouache for Fun

I rarely paint with water color or gouache, but I recently feel the needs of little exploration with medium I’ve never used is really necessary. I’m not brave enough to try the oil painting (besides my apartment is pretty small to keep the canvases and messy tubes). My technique is still rigid, I really want to improve my skill in water color as much as the gouache, I use the digital media for too long and my hand doesn’t get used to manual media very well. Here my three women as the object of my experiment, hope you enjoy it.

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Mardy Bum and Her Passive Aggressiveness

“Oh there’s a very pleasant side to you, a side I much prefer.
It’s one that, laughs and jokes around, remember cuddles in the kitchen yeah…
To get things off the ground and it was up, up and away…
Oh, but it’s right hard to remember that on a day like today when you’re all argumentative and you’ve got the face on…”
Mardy Bum – Arctic Monkey

The idea of writing about Mardy Bum had been inside my head several weeks ago, but I was such a great procrastinator because I was in the middle of my excitement in water painting.
I really enjoy Arctic Monkey, especially Alex Turner’s sexy voice that’s hypnotizing both males and females all around the globe. Their songs are pretty genius in term of lyrics as well as the music itself, total eargasm.

Pop Art Arctic – Sketch Book Pro for iPad (2016)

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Bold Women

Bold women are amazing, they might look vulnerable outside but they are strong and determined inside. They are smart at poker face but it doesn’t mean they are fake, they are just very wise at showing their feeling to public. Their eyes are enchanting, those will show you the most passionate stare you might ever seen. Not because they are good at teasing, it’s just their inner beauty that contains power and intelligence flaunted without them trying.

They are never running out of topics to talk about, but they surely get bored to death when you lead them to shallow conversation. These bold women don’t like mere hot body of yours, they are obsessed with brain if you have one. You don’t seduce them with words, seduce them with knowledge.

Don’t ever think these bold women will stumble and fall to get you back, in fact they will walk away and leave you in despair. They are too precious to cry for men, they have no time to pity themselves seeing your old photographs. They are forged with bad experiences, those make them unbeaten diamonds.

Bold women don’t need 24/7 attention, they’re too busy with their achievement. You may find it challenging but they are not your favorite game to play, they may seem easy to get along with but you never know what actually is. Are you those risk takers?

Even The Genius Used To Fail

Husband and I are recently watching NatGeo series titled Genius which featured the world legend in science, Albert Einstein. Well, even though I’m not really a fan of Albert Einstein that much (knowing the history of his experiment wouldn’t be this successful without his scientist wife, Mileva Maric whom he cheated from), I have to admit that his story opens my eyes from the fact that even a legendary genius had to experience a hardship in pursuing his dream.

Genius

TigerDroppings.com

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Lesson 16: Utopian Landscape

“The backyard is place of refuge and a great subject for a landscape; in the warmer months, it is the first place I retreat to after a long day of work. The backyard is also a space where a lot of activity happens, and unlike the front yard, the backyard is less formal. I spend a lot of time in my backyard sitting, reading, looking, and drawing; at times it feels like a second studio. For this painting, I wanted to document a moment between activities that suggests pause. The rugs drying on the line while the light rakes across the grass implies that silent reflection.”

Interpretation of North Shore Carpet Beaters Union – SketchBook Pro for iPad 2017

Sadly, since I moved to Jakarta the Capital City, the city of lights and sins, whatever that is, I never had a place called home with backyard and serenity. I miss the backyard madness, the conversation, the memories, the moments I left behind.

It’s pretty hard to imagine the sense of enjoying the backyard situation, therefore I took a chance to interpret the painting from Timothy Calaghan’s book: One Painting A Day. The image of North Shore Carpet Beaters Union has been recreated into different style and media, digital painting. Thank you for the inspiration and the book that make me feel excited to keep on going with my drawing project in the middle of my 9hr/5days work.

Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter

Shut It, Babe – SketcBook Pro for iPad (2017)

Have you ever met people who always be so fussy about whatever you do? Always think that their opinion is right and makes you feel unsure about what you do?

Sometimes you may hear something like: Why you seem so skinny? Oh are you gaining weight? You never post the picture with him again, are you guys done? Your style is so outdated! That blush color makes your cheeks look chubbier! You want to be an actor? Just enjoy the life you have now, don’t seek something impossible, darling. And… etc.

Wear those unmatched color outfits you like, gain weight, lose weight, get serious, or break up, be an actor/artist/musician do whatever things that suit you well. Their opinion doesn’t matter for you, you have your own choice so don’t let anybody control your decision with their opinion.

Maybe some people are just there to stop you getting on your dream, just keep telling you the impossibles before you really make it. It’s your dream, make it happen. No matter how impossible and how tough that’s gonna be, if you really know by your heart that is your purpose in life, just keep on going.

Don’t let words bring you down.